Tomorrow is the day I’ve been waiting for since I received my diagnosis on April 24th. Tomorrow is my very last treatment. 2 surgeries – done. 8 chemos – finished. 27 radiations down, 1 to go. ONE?! On the day I received my diagnosis, I remember looking at the very complicated road that was ahead of me and feeling so incredibly defeated, overwhelmed, exhausted, and quite frankly, after all I had been through in the past two years with post-partum anxiety…I wasn’t sure I was up for the fight. But here I am. I feel stronger today than I have in my entire life. I have run several marathons in my life, but there is no greater finish line than this one.
As crazy as this may sound to most of you, something about being in this fight every day is comforting – knowing I have a doctor’s appointment or treatment that week, knowing that doctors are analyzing every pound that is lost, blood pressure that is taken and random pain that occurs. To think that I am now being “released” into this world full of normal, non-cancery people – it terrifies me a bit! Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait. It’s been a very long road for us…going from having four kids in four years straight into a cancer diagnosis at 7 months postpartum…I don’t even know what normal is anymore. My parents arrived today from Chicago to attend my last radiation with me, watch me ring that final bell and to celebrate…celebrate the end of this battle and the start of something new and exciting for me and our family. Freedom. We all get a little freedom back after tomorrow. And it’s not just me – it’s Josh too. And our kids. Our oldest two will start preschool in mid January and be like all the other kids. They get to meet new friends in their new city and they are both so excited. Because ultimately life keeps moving. But we got to talking about what’s next for me. Going through what I’ve gone through has given me the ability to press the pause button on life, slow things down a bit, reevaluate what’s truly important in life, re-prioritize those things and actually focus on what I really want to do, besides raising these four amazing children. I have met so many incredible people along the way – in waiting rooms, in Facebook support groups, sitting in the chemo chair. The hardest part about this fight for me was going through this with four very young children watching me every step of the way. And something that is definitely missing from this cancer world is support for mothers and fathers of young children. I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I’m slowly putting the pieces of it together – and I can’t wait to see where this all goes. For now, I’m just feeling incredibly blessed to be finishing, incredibly thankful for all the love and support, and incredibly excited about the next phase of my life, whatever that may be. Cado On!